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I had a dream where I was to attend an interview for a very specialized post-graduate program. I was expecting one or two on a panel, but was led to a room which turned out to be an auditorium filled with over a hundred people. They called a name and someone very scholarly appeared and gave a very boring presentation. Another was stilted but educational. Then another who strolled all over the room like a grandmotherly Jerry Springer (who i somehow followed through the halls and the lobby like a zooming comedy show camera), finally returning to plop herself down in a velvet chair which was already occupied by another elderly woman who was somehow dressed like she was in a 17th century English court. She asked her if she was fond of Chaucer … The response was confused and the applicant just said she knew because she saw the light in her eyes and her loving glance at THIS. Voila. She pulled out a flat cardboard ‘leather book,’ asking if this was her favorite. The lady said “What? This is my favorite, but this is only a piece of paper – what did you do to my …” at which point the applicant ripped it up, throwing it up in the air when it suddenly became a huge actual leather illuminated item that landed in her lap. She got up with an exaggerated curtsey and a standing ovation. I was back outside in the hall and  told the head that I had not expected this and started hyperventilating like an asthma attack. He told me to relax and just say something off the top of my head. It went okay, but could never come close to the show that had preceded me. Drenched, I walked out to receive a pat on the back and a whisper in the ear: “Your concentration is so specialized that … Well, we have five openings for the year … and four applicants. Might not be much of a problem.”

I was at the dentist this week and she mentioned that my teeth have become worse since coming to Japan. When asked why she thinks that might be, she said I probably need more fluoride:

(me): But don’t you put fluoride in your water here?

(dds): No. It’s not like the US and other countries.

(me): But, it’s in toothpaste and other dental stuff, right? <hesitant stupid question>

(dds): No. It’s not in any over the counter Japanese products. There may be some things which say fluoride, but it’s such a nominal trace amount to be useless – just for marketing maybe. You need to go to the dentist … You could go to an import shop and buy American products.

I was shocked. A first world country with bad teeth partially due to lack of this controlled substance. I suppose it might relate to the prevalent protectionism of this country. They recently changed the law to allow you to buy such dangerous drugs as aspirin at convenience stores (drug stores must be protected), but after months and months and months I have never seen it for sale. I can certainly buy a fresh white business shirt at the conveni so the soiled one from yesterday doesn’t reveal I’ve been out all night, but a Tylenol would be going too far! So, don’t even think of holding out for fluoride; Just visit your friendly dentist for a smile.

After having been unable to sleep, I decided to give up trying and head to the gym at 5am. I’ve never seen the streets and trains so deserted in this busy city. I didn’t expect to find the gym in Harajuku to be more crowded than I’ve seen full of frighteningly hulk-like creatures. With that situation, I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that, for the first time the locker room smelled like … a locker room. Ugh. They seemed to be frantically cleaning at 7 so perhaps it’s not so common. It also stuck me that I’ve never seen a woman in the men’s locker room. This may sound an odd comment, but there’s generally a (invisible after you’ve been here for some time) little old lady scurrying about in the toilet/changing room type areas everywhere. (Really if you’re a man you should expect a woman to be cleaning up during your “restroom activities” – and I do mean mean right next to you watching). Perhaps Gold’s is not the type of place that toilet ladies think to apply. Guess little old anythings don’t generally enter in any capacity.

Nakano Shirou created this limited edition G-Shock Man Box edition (110F-2JR), which is a watch along with a matching g-shockman figure. I’ve been looking all over Tokyo and was recently able to snap one up! It’s been described as “the ugliest watch you will see. Ever. The plastic timepiece, possibly conceived after a Casio designer accidentally drank a box of crayons and then vomited … “

Finding that my social security card has gone missing, likely thrown out due to hanging out amongst some trash-worthy papers against its better judgement, I looked up the US government here in Japan. Their site is quite helpful and offers a number to call to arrange an appointment for this. I make the call and explain the situation. I’m promptly transferred to the typical machine listing announcements, which eventually tells me to ‘press 2′ for ‘federal benefits and social security’ issues. I press ’2.’ Within seconds a friendly recorded voice comes on. I expect to hear how much my call is valued and such, so I don’t particularly listen to what is said. There is a dial tone. I must have done something wrong. I call back. I press ’2,’ listening carefully this time around. All along, the friendly voice had been trying to wish me ‘goodbye!’ click.

I continue trying through the day with the same result. I find this fiendishly clever on behalf of the American government. They can surely reduce the deficit if they can just ensure that any inquiry with the secret phrase ‘federal benefits’ triggers an immediate hang-up of the phone line. Perhaps they have not gone far enough? Google could likely be persuaded to present a 404 error if the same phrase were to be used on the net.

Okay, this was probably just a bad day for them at the embassy. I’ll keep calling during their working hours. It will just take some careful planning to catch them. You see, they work a few hours in the morning, and a couple hours in the afternoon. Those are the normal hours. The exceptions to those hours are the usual: all Japanese holidays (this is Japan), all American holidays (this, umm), and, of course, … Wednesdays.

UPDATE: Got through. Appointment set.